I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
