I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
