They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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