I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
