we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
