Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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