Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
