just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
