well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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