32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
