I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
