My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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