Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
FUCK WHALES
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
