my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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