can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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