Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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