When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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