does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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