Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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