I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
