I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
