Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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