is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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