if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
