You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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