Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
