Got a toothbrush?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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