got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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