so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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