hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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