I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
