Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
