We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
