Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
