She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize