You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
no more duck duck goose at the bar
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
