you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
