butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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