I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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