Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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