The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is Oprah even human
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
