sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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