He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
