I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
This house was built for laser tag.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
