What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
