We need to rekindle our bromance
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize