let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
