I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
