haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize