now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
