the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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