guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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