This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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