so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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