I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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