He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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