if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
