you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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