I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
