it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize