Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
