You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
