a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we're so committed to being not committed
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
