Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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