Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
false alarm, still single
Randomize
