Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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