i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
its liver damage thursday
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
