I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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